It’s almost a year, a year of not seeing you and missing every little thing that we used to shared with- from the laughter to the fights that we had to the smiles that we shared to those private moments that we had and from that unforgettable separation that we encountered.
The day you left, I told myself that I will forget everything about us, everything and anything. I will live and forget you as if you never came into my life. I tried to do that, I did try. The day I walk out of the airport, my decision is final, “I WILL FORGET YOU AND MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE!” But I can’t.
Even though we are miles apart, I know that when you are on your new environment, that you need me, you need someone to talk to, to share your sadness, the new things that you had encounter there, you need someone and I can’t leave you because of that or I can’t do that because I love you so much, that even though we are ocean, mountain and lands apart I will and still will wait for you to come back.
As time pass by, the though of you needing me seems to vanish. I know you have your new life there and so am I here. Things will never be the same, we both grew apart. But each and every single day, there never come a time that you never cross my mind. Everything around me reminds me of you, from the ambulance that I come across nth time everyday, to your name that is either a name of a building or doctor. I can even see it on the books that I read, to the lost Identification Card that I saw on the Registration Office of my School, to the brand of shoes that my counterpart wears, to the shirt of my friend, you are every where…. I don’t know if your name is that much familiar or fate is playing a huge joke on me but what ever it is, i hate being reminded of you.
I learned to live half a life. I tried to divert my attention to something that can result to a win win decision- going back to school. If I won’t do that I will still see myself crying in the car every time something reminds me of you or every night whenever I miss you.
Yes my life changed since I went back to School. I meet new friends, a lot of new friends to be exact, I learned a lot of things, I learned how to be more mature in someways, I had fun, but even if I show everyone on facebook or on twitter that I am having so much of the latter, at the end of the day it will still be you that will cross my mind, it will still be you that I will long to be with, to have fun with and to share those new things that I had learned with. It will still be you!
I long to talk to you everyday. I want to know how you are doing, if you got sick or you are getting healthier. I want to know those new things that happen to you, I long to know something about you, but I cannot ask, I don’t know if I have the right to do such at the same time my pride is always here to stop me from asking how you are doing. I miss the day when even though I am at baguio and you are in manila we can still have fun by playing pool via omg pop, how I wish we can do those things again… how I wish we can have some quality time together even we are apart. I miss you and me so much!
Want to know why I never answer your skype calls? I never do because at the end of each and every conversation, I will find myself crying because the reality will strike me – the reality that you are far away from me, so far away that I can never see you in 2 years time and in those years many changes might happen. Changes that can either be good for the thing that we have or worst- which I want to expect. I would rather think things won’t do well for us, than to think that everything will be alright after 2 years time. You told me once, many things might happen in two years, I might fall inlove with another guy here and so are you with another woman there.
I learned a lot of things when you left, but the most important one is “never let a day pass without telling the person that mean so much for you how you feel for him/her!” if ever things would be better between the two of us, I will never let my pride stop me from telling you how much I love you so much and how you mean every thing for me….. I will tell you that I am mad at you whenever you make me feel jealous, when I feel you don’t care about me… that I am so happy whenever you remember a thing or so that I told you about me, that I want to hold your hands and show everyone that you are mine when we are going out, that I want to feel your body next to mine whenever I am sad, that I want to kiss you and hug you tight when you are sad…. that I want you and I LOVE YOU so much……