“Why do the past go back when everything in the present seems right?”

The past is the foundation of each and every single individual in this world. The latter are composed of experiences, observations, events, knowledge and what not that stick together and later on mold the individual to what he is on his current situation or the so-called “present.” Sometimes people tend, either intentionally or not, to forget their past. This may be because of bitter events or situation that created a scar either on their heart, emotions, or worst, physical. But admit it or not the ghost of the past at times haunt us, sometimes their premonition may cause us joy, as to remembering happy events, or sometimes this may cause us sorrow that will then lead to the big question “why do you come back?”

I was as usual succumbing my stuff later this morning; my human resource management notebook is lost again, for the nth time! I badly need that notebook for our schedule for the said subject for the whole sem was written on it. I was busy digging my stuff when I found a familiar white notebook that I had years ago, I mean YEARs ago, like about 8 years… A smile on my face was seen upon stumbling on that thing. All I ever said upon holding the said thing was “biruin mo nakaligtas ka nun Undoy!” I was then excited to look at the back page of the said notebook, why? Because during high school I love writing, which was my first love in the first place, and all my poems, lyrics of songs that I composed, essays, short stories are written on the back pages of my notebooks. As far as I can recall every notebook of mine has a poem that I wrote, on their last page. Of all the stuff that I wrote before, the “What would we (me and a certain guy that we will name as K.A, which is his real initial hahahha!) Be in 5 years?” was written on the last pages of the notebook that I found. I quietly read what I wrote 8 years ago. Mixed emotions filled me, why? Because everything that I wrote was the compilation of the things that K.A and I planned, our lives after high school, after college, after marriage after each and every step of our life.

Who is K.A? K.A is not my first love (honestly I am not sure if I already saw my first love, I mean the one that I do love and willing to sacrifices a lot for him thing) nor my boyfriend. He is not my best friend but oh he is my worst enemy, we quarrel a lot and when I say a lot, I mean A LOT! Yes, our friends frequently tease us and we would always act out their tease but when things get a little serious, we would just stare at each other until someone caught us staring at one another. He is jealous with my other best friend, Jairus, and I am so jealous with COUNTERSTRIKE!

He hates it when I wear sexy clothes and I hate it when I see him so untidy. He loves to request ” pwede ayos ng hair mo today un parang may eggy at ayoko ng nakapony tail ka!” and I love telling him “pasemi kalbo ka na dali na! suspension lang naman gagawin sayo pag nakita ni Mrs. Brown na ganun hair mo!” We are both sickling but he is worse than I am, I would always run to the hospital whenever he was rushed to the latter and he would always bring me fruits in school whenever I recover from sickness.

He was the very first guy who want to introduce me to his parents at the church during Christmas eve mass and he want me to spend the Christmas eve with them as well, but, but “inindian ko siya!” I got scared at that time, I keep on asking myself that day if he was getting serious and this might mean having a commitment at the end of the day. OH MY GOD I HATE COMMITMENTS that time, God knows how scared I am with that word and after that day, our WORST than WORST fight happened and it lasted for 2 months.

K.A and I were never together, we may fall as “M.U, mutual understanding” or ” it’s complicated” or “single but my heart was stolen by someone” or ” yes I am single but so not allowed to mingle” status but even though what we are that time, K.A was everything to me, he was almost my life and it took me 5, I mean 5 as in 5 solid years before I am so sure that I am already not in the shadow of K.A.

The thing that I wrote 8 years ago started with this “If we are the ones who will mold and direct our future in 5 years then this will happen…..”

1. He will go to U.S.T and will take up E.C. E and I will go to U.E and take up Communication Arts- after finishing high school we planned to study separately. Yes I will graduate earlier than him and we will take different courses, though they are somewhat related with each other, we both want to have different environment so that we can both grow and not be dependent with each other.

——- After 5 years HE studied in C.E.U and took up nursing while I went to P.U.P and took up Broadcast Communication———-

 

2. He will work as an engineer at a well-known T.V network in the country while I will be a Broadcast Journalist.

——-After 5 years both didn’t happen he is at a call center company at the moment and I am a Medical Representative——-

 

3. I will take a Master’s degree in Journalism at U.S. T, he wants me take my masters in U.S.T because his mom is currently taking her masters at the said University that time.

——-after 5 years, did not happen! I am currently taking my Masters in Business Administration but it took me a chunk of another 5 years before I decided to go back to School, but atleast I am in U.S.T but I already forgot that we planned that one before.——-

 

4. Get married in Las Pinas, there was a church in that area where in everything that was inside the church was made of mango tree and the place was so enchanting.

————-after 5 years! Definitely NO! We are now happy with our lives, not being together, he has a long time girl friend and I am happy with what I have right now. We lost our communication, A – again, though we talked about 2 months ago, but the content of the talk was more of “asaran” for he still calls mo Oey and oey was the name of his pet and why he called me that? Long story! The feelings have totally dried up. ———

 

5. 5 kids

————-after 5 years, hell NO! When we talked months ago I asked him if he is planning to have a child with his girlfriend and his response was “not now.” When we wrote “what we want ” before to happen, well we thought that having a kid was as simple as counting 1, 2 and 3 but later on we realize it wasn’t——-

 

The things that I wrote 8 years ago became a check list of what I want to be “ME” 8 years ago and if I will grade that plan of ours then I can say that is an epic FAIL, F grade!…. we almost didn’t do what we planned. Changes always happen though…. Who knows we will never be together, when 8 years ago everyone thinks that we are destined for each other. But I never regret doing that list that we made before, as far as I can recall we are so happy doing that list and didn’t even thought at that time that we will never be together.

K.A I can say is not my Happiest, even happy past, K.A made me suffer for 5 years I mean more than that, my friends told me I was so “gaga” with him, my best friend calls him “g*g*” for he always make me cry. Many times I tried to step away from what we had that time, but I can’t and now I can’t even remember what triggered me to fall out of love with him. But at the end of the day, after everything was said and done, whenever I talk to K.A again, I never question myself or him, “why do you keep on coming back?” why? Because K.A has been a part of who I am right not, he taught me to be stronger, pride boost! And whatnot if I didn’t meet a guy like him before I will never are who I am. K.A was my life before but now he is just a tiny piece that makes up my foundation as an individual.

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